Overinguldging Our Kids In Today's Society "Tell me and I'll forget; show me and I may remember; involve me and I'll understand." - Chinese Proverb What does it mean?         Overindulging means giving children so much of anything that it keeps them from learning their developmental tasks and has a negative effect on their adult lives. The key word is “OVER” It does not mean spoiling- behavior that is annoying to others, etc.! Overindulgence = Instant Gratification Three Ways to Overindulge Giving Too Much It may appear that you are meeting your children’s needs but you are not.  Your child is going to experience less in an environment of plenty. Over-Nurturing Parent are giving too much care and attention to the point the child does not accomplish what they should to learn life skills they need for the future. Soft Structure Giving children too much freedom.  Children are able to experience and make decisions that are not appropriate for their age. 4 Questions to Ask Yourself? Does this situation block a child from learning the tasks that support their development and learning at this age? Does the situation give an uneven amount of family resources to one or more of the children- money, attention, space, time, energy? Does this situation benefit the parent or adult involved than it does the child? Does the child’s behavior have potential to harm other people, society, or the environment in any way? Three Things to Look at as a Parent to avoid Overindulging Child is receiving things but not earning them. Child is valuing the “things” more than people. Parent is using things to soothe the child or keep the child happy. Why do parents Overindulge their children? Parents are over tired and it is just easier to give their kids things to keep them busy. Parents work more hours than ever before and feel they are making up for the love and time not spent with the kids. Advertising campaigns are geared towards kids. Parents feel bad if they say NO! Kids control the house hold- no boundaries, or rules! Parents competing with other parents Parents wanting their kids to have everything all the other kids have- not to be left out. Feelings of guilt due to a family situation, ex:  death, divorce, only child, disability, etc. They do not know any better, they were overindulged and they do the same to their children. Influence of media and the business world Society- school, friends, police, courts Other family and friends who give too much or smother children Ways to Avoid Overindulging your ChildrenWays to Avoid Overindulging your Children Assign Chores- pick up toys, make bed, help take out the garbage- make them age appropriate- a 5 year old cannot vacuum Be careful in buying material things- clothes, toys, etc.- make sure they are age appropriate- no 7 year old needs an IPod. Give positive feedback when they achieve developmental tasks- do not do it for them Be Consistent!- Consistent Rules, Boundaries, Routines! Make sure your child knows they are not the only important person in the world Maturity- you are the adult they are the child Do not fight with the child over right or wrong- you are the adult, take control- Ask yourself  “Who is the boss of your household?” Help your children learn- you are their first teacher Be a role model for your child- who else will be? Delay Gratification- make them wait for something- a toy- wait for birthday, do not buy things they want on the spot. Do not over load your children: Too many lessons and sports may inhibit there social skills, because their performance skills over shadows everything else Teach your child to follow the 3 R’s- Respect for Self Respect for Others Responsibility for all your Actions- if you don’t who will? Begins with chores, and household duties, and moves into life responsibilities For More Info on this Topic Check out:  "How much is too much?"